Cut the potatoes into thick chips, approximately 1.5cm wide. Place in a large bowl of cold water and soak for at least 20 minutes to remove excess starch — this is key for crispiness.

Drain the chips and pat thoroughly dry with a clean tea towel.

Heat your deep frying oil to 150°C. Blanch the chips in batches for 5–6 minutes until cooked through but not yet coloured. Remove and drain on a wire rack. Set aside — you'll finish these later.

Make the batter just before serving: whisk together the flour, baking powder, and salt. Slowly pour in the cold beer, whisking until just combined — a few small lumps are fine. Don't overwork it. Keep cold.

Heat olive oil in a small saucepan over medium heat. Add the minced garlic and cook for 1 minute, stirring, until fragrant but not browned.

Add the crushed tomatoes, sugar, and dried oregano. Stir well and simmer over low heat for 15 minutes until the sauce has thickened and deepened in colour.

Tear in the fresh basil, season generously with salt and pepper, and set aside.

Place each chicken breast on a chopping board and butterfly open, or slice horizontally to create two even fillets per breast. Cover with plastic wrap and pound with a meat mallet to an even thickness of about 1cm.

Set up a crumbing station: flour (seasoned with salt and pepper) in one shallow dish, beaten eggs in another, and breadcrumbs (mixed with garlic powder and onion powder) in a third.

Coat each fillet in flour, shaking off the excess. Dip in egg, letting the excess drip off. Press firmly into the breadcrumbs, ensuring an even, thorough coating on all sides. Place on a tray and refrigerate for 10 minutes to help the crumb adhere.

Preheat your oven grill (broiler) to high.

Pour enough vegetable oil into a large frying pan to come 5mm up the sides. Heat over medium-high heat until shimmering — around 175°C.

Fry the crumbed chicken in batches for 3–4 minutes per side until deep golden brown and cooked through. Don't overcrowd the pan. Drain briefly on paper towel, then transfer to a foil-lined oven tray.

Spoon a generous layer of napoli sauce over each schnitzel, spreading it to the edges.

Lay 2 slices of leg ham over the sauce on each schnitzel.

Combine the grated mozzarella and tasty cheese in a bowl. Pile the cheese mixture HIGH over each parma — be extremely generous here. Finish with a liberal dusting of grated parmesan over the top.

Place under the hot grill for 4–6 minutes, watching closely, until the cheese is completely melted, bubbling, and starting to turn golden brown in spots. It should look obscenely cheesy. That's correct.

While the parmas are under the grill, increase your frying oil to 190°C.

Working in batches, dust the blanched chips lightly in flour, then dip into the cold beer batter, letting the excess drip off.

Fry for 3–4 minutes until deeply golden and crisp. Drain on a wire rack (never paper towel — that steams them soggy!) and season immediately with salt.

Plate the parma alongside a generous pile of beer battered chips. Serve immediately while the cheese is still molten. Optionally serve with a side salad and a cold Australian lager.